you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
