so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
