real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
