butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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