There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
bring money and cleavage
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
