Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
