I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Randomize
