I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
