Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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