Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
