You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
