you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
