Someone shit on the floor
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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