Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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