i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
