but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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