You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
