FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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