It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
