i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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