He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
