You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
