Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
