she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
