i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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