4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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