the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
