Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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