dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
