I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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