Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
