It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
