I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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