brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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