you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
