If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You know, be my cock's hype man.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
