She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
