This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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