If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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