i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
