I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
