I will die if light touches me.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
