Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
