Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
