YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
