i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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