I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
