Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
