My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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