Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
