i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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