every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
