idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
