I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
