No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
