i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
