There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize