3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
