He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
