She went from zero to smokin in five shots
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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