You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
