Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
