We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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