I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
