It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
