Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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