Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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