fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
