I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
