Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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