you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize