I can tuck mytits in my pants
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
