is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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