Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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