is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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