She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
