i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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