ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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