so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My pussy is not your playground.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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