what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
