i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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