I skipped work to stalk him.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
