I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
