i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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