there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize