my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
