Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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