I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize