found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
