His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
