where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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